Change is due

You blame me for what happened to us. You say Im selfish and insensitive, that I did not appreciate the love you were giving me. That I just took you for granted.

But I didn't.

The thing is, you never really knew me. I know, I know. You keep saying you do - in fact, that you know me better than I know myself. But if that were true, why have we never understood each other properly? I never understood how much you loved me, and how much pain I was unintentionally causing you. And you never understood why I never saw any of that - you just assumed I would, without you having to say anything at all.

You see, Im not a mind reader. Our minds work differently, not only because we are wired differently, but also because we are two very unique people. That is mostly a good thing, but in our case, it proved to be our achilles' heel.

We relied too much on intuition, but our signals never matched.

It hurts, but I have to accept that maybe they were never meant to. That maybe WE were never meant to be.

You have said your goodbyes. I accept that. I hope you accept my apologies too, for whatever it's worth. I hope you eventually understand that I never meant to hurt you. I also want to be loved just as much as you do. But I'm also human and I'm not perfect. If you cannot come to terms with that, I'm sorry.

Now it's time for me to say my goodbyes. Then I will move on.

And I pray for the strength to do so.

Why does it have to be so difficult?

I still believe that love should not be so difficult. If the two of you are meant to be together, then things should be falling into place.

I had hoped that would be the case for us. But it's not.

We are not even officially together yet, and things are already so complicated. We are like in a merry-go-round. Always running after the other, but never quite meeting somewhere, anywhere.

We have been on this ride for a looong time. When are we ever gonna get off and finally meet for real? I don't mean physically, though I do enjoy your company when we are together.

But on an emotional, intellectual, spiritual level - we never quite seem to be in the same place at the same time. Things just seem to always go wrong for us, for one reason or another.

Does it mean we are not meant to be?

I do not know the answer to this yet. Do you? If you do, please tell me, because this is getting really, really painful already.

I love you, but...

That line in a song keeps popping up on my head - "Sometimes, love just ain't enough"